"A Christian should be an Alleluia from head to foot." - St. Augustine
I'm about 12% Alleluia on any given day, but I'm working on it.

Just in case you thought I had it together

Look, I just have to get a few things out of my system before I can return to serving as a model for catechists and humans everywhere.

1. I don’t understand how to wear eyeliner. My last successful eyeliner experience was in seventh grade, and involved an iridescent green Wet’n'Wild eyeliner pencil. I can still remember the flakes of wood scraping against my eyelid due to my sharpener ineptitude. That probably put me off eyeliner for good, come to think of it.

2. Everyone in my house is sick right now, except for The Daddy, who is also conveniently out of town. Convenient for his immune system, that is. This morning, the two-year-old greeted me with the Whitmanesque refrain: “Oh! The green boogers!” He was irrationally – at least, to my mind – enraged that I would NOT allow him to wipe his nose on my shirt. I mean, what’s a mom for, if she’s not going to be there for her kid, you know?

3. Worse, because I have not been to the grocery in a week, we have no kleenex, bread, cereal, eggs, orange juice (my go-to cure for a cold), or coffee. It’s possible that the two-year-old was merely pointing out that the prospect of wiping one’s nose on a generic paper towel is not appealing.

4. I forgot to get a haircut for the past five months, because it requires making a phone call, and I don’t use my smartphone for making actual calls. I use it for storing voicemail.

4. Oh, yes, there was going to be an “Ask a Catechist” series every Wednesday, and I still need to make another Scripture Shorts video about Moses, and there was also going to be a Catechist Chat newsletter, but…I haven’t scheduled the guest posts.

And it seemed like MailChimp was going to be really confusing – like, it would take several weeks of study to learn how to operate MailChimp. I didn’t want to be too hasty. I wanted that newsletter to be PERRRRFECT. So guess what? There’s been no newsletter. I’d like to think the first issue will come out next week, and the title will be something clever like “no, really, you did sign up for this newsletter back in December.” But I’ll make no promises. No announcements of grand behavior modification to come.

(MailChimp is actually way easy. So I have no excuse.)

5. As could be expected, the grain-free Lenten sacrifice has been one big bust. Here’s how it panned out.

Days 1 and 2: This is amazing! I feel so free! Free from the shackles of bread dependence! Free to make omelets, and to put pesto on vegetables instead of on noodles!

Day 3: This is easy! This is so easy, I should amp it up! I’m going to read up on the Paleo diet! I’m going to figure out kefir! I’m going to blog about my success!

Day every day since then: Not. so. much.

6. I do, in my defense, have the excuse that I have fallen head over heels for WordPress and the Genesis Framework (that’s an affiliate link, should you feel like checking it out.) So I’ve been busy getting a web design business up and running. The problem with me is that I am completely oblivious to the concept of “small steps.”  And thus have tried to reinvent all other aspects of my personality, except the eyeliner issues, at the same time as launching said business.

7. I don’t care if it’s not the right day for Seven Quick Takes. That’s not what this is, anyway.

8. What this IS…is a manifesto. I need a break. A real break, not a “I’m going to watch my TV shows and ignore the state of my house” break. If you’re in the Boston area and haven’t decided whether you’re coming to the Faith and Family Mom’s Day Away event, I implore you to attend.

Heeere’s Danielle, who surely has it more together than I, issuing an open invitation. I must leave you now, as there’s a runny nose making a beeline for my shirt.

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Comments

  1. I can’t figure out the eyeliner either, and it irks me, because done right it looks so good. Done badly, it looks… bad.

  2. I got my hair cut last week. It had probably been about a year since my last haircut. At least five months since I started to think “I really should get my hair cut.” It took my mom coming into town to get me to actually do it.

    • Melanie, that’s the only time I get my hair cut, too – when my mom’s in town. Except I forgot to go the last time she was here. Pitiful.

      • My spouse cuts my hair…maybe that’s what y’all should do.

        • Dorian Speed says:

          In *theory*, the fringe benefit of my cutting everyone else in the family’s hair is that I can use the “haircut fund” all on myself. In reality, that never seems to pan out.

  3. It’s an epidemic! That’s the only time I get my hair cut too! Except I went to her hair-cutter person the last time we went to visit my parents. It’s not just the making of the appointment, the phone call, etc. It’s the arranging for someone to watch the kids. An additional hurdle I’m just not able to get over.

    Also clueless on the eyeliner. I do wear it once a week or so, but never feel like I know what I’m doing with that, nor any other makeup type thing.

  4. By the way, as I was reading this itemized cri de coeur, I thought, “Anyone who pours out the soul with such alacrity can (and must) return to serving as a model for catechists and humans everywhere.”

    I’m thinking I may be both a human and a catechist. If so, you may be twice the model…or maybe half the model.

    • Dorian Speed says:

      My favorite part is that I accidentally listed two #4′s.

      I believe I was attempting to imply that catechists are superhuman.

  5. Dorian! You’re coming to the right place re: eyeliner. I used to want to be a makeup artist, and have spent highly inappropriate amounts of time out of my life studying the art of makeup. Swing by my room and I’ll give you some tips!

  6. Dorian! Where’s my newsletter!

    Oh, sorry, I didn’t read the post first.

    Hey, I understand…web design is all consuming! And, Genesis is awesome! I need to get some of your Genesis mojo.

    I wish I lived close enough to get you some kleenex, though. Want me to mail some?

    Hang in there!